ADHD Chaos and the Power of Self-Compassion: Embracing the Beautiful Mess
As a neurodivergent affirming therapist with ADHD, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on how my neurotype shows up—both in everyday life and in the moments where everything feels a bit… well, chaotic. And, let’s be honest, the holidays are prime time for that chaos to get a little out of hand.
I recently had one of those moments. You know, when your house looks like a tornado hit it—and it's your tornado. I had just spent an amazing day with family, friends, and activities that were so much fun—but as the evening went on, I felt a familiar sense of overwhelm creeping in. My routine had been disrupted, my energy had been stretched, and my capacity to juggle all the things felt like it had disappeared into thin air.
I walked into the kitchen, intending to unload the dishwasher, load it again, and maybe tidy up a little. Simple, right? But in classic ADHD fashion, I got distracted by the garbage that needed taking out, then sat down to check something on my phone. The next thing I knew, I was back in the kitchen, realizing I had forgotten everything I had started—leaving the kitchen in a state of absolute disarray.
Now, there would have been a time when I’d have torn myself down for this. The self-criticism would’ve kicked in, and I’d have started telling myself I was irresponsible, messy, or lazy. But this time, something was different. As I stood there staring at the kitchen, I took a deep breath and thought, "Oh, that's a big sign my ADHD is fully in action today!"
Instead of diving into shame or frustration, I paused. I asked myself, “How do I feel?” And the answer was clear: “Uncentered. Distracted. I feel a bit all over the place.”
That’s when I realized: the state of my kitchen was simply a reflection of where my attention and energy had been. It was a visual cue that I needed to ground myself. I didn’t need to beat myself up over the mess—I needed to pause and check in.
So, what did I do next?
I took a few deep breaths, letting the tension in my body release. I assessed my surroundings and found a moment of calm to recenter myself—sometimes that means stepping outside to connect with nature, sometimes it’s as simple as running warm water over my hands in the bathroom and breathing into my center. Today, I even had a little laugh about it.
I was reminded of how far I’ve come in learning to accept and compassionately respond to my ADHD. I didn’t let the chaos define me or get in the way of my ability to reset and move forward. In fact, I laughed at how classic it all was, and then—true to my plan—I cleaned up the kitchen.
The Bottom Line:
As neurodivergent folks, we often walk through a world that’s built on a neurotypical foundation. This can leave us feeling less capable, less organized, or even less worthy when our brains don’t fit the mold. But here’s the thing: ADHD doesn’t make us less—it just makes us different. We are resilient, creative, and capable. And that mess in the kitchen? It’s just a sign that I’ve been busy living life, connecting with people, and doing all the things that bring me joy.
So, the next time your ADHD shows up in all its chaotic glory, remember this: you are worthy of self-compassion. You are capable of managing your needs. And sometimes, it’s okay to laugh at the mess—and then clean it up when you’re ready.
Because ADHD doesn’t define who we are. How we respond to it does.
Takeaway Tips:
Pause and Check-In: When you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to ask yourself, “How do I feel right now?” The answer might help you identify what your body or mind needs.
Use Grounding Techniques: Whether it’s breathing, stepping outside, or doing a quick body scan, grounding helps us reconnect with ourselves when our energy feels scattered.
Practice Self-Compassion: We all have moments where things get out of hand. But rather than shaming yourself, approach these moments with curiosity and care.